Jogging Dorks

The sun is starting to shine, the snow is starting to melt, the sidewalks are starting to dry, people are venturing out doors without tuques (which I just found out is spelt with a u. I thought it was an o, but apparently that's the French spelling. Go figure!), and the snot doesn't freeze in my nose the instant I step out my door. You know what that means, JOGGING SEASON!

Today I went to No Frills (It's Dollar Daze. Whoever thought of that was a genius. I'm gluten and lactose intolerant and I still have deals to grab up!). On the way there and back I came across 3 joggers, and I only live 10 minutes away! It starts with two or three and the next thing you know there's four!

Now, I'm not against joggers! Oh no, I'm all for it. I actually used to be a jogger myself and then, to put it bluntly, I got lazy. When there's no snow on the ground, there's an elderly group that jogs by here. I'm sure any of them could kick my bum if I tried to race them. I applaud them, but feel guilty that I am not joining them.

Maybe I will join a speed walking class. That will probably be more at my speed these days. Or maybe I'll wait until the slush is gone ...

(On a sidenote, today we won gold in hockey. I knew this the instant it happened but I don't have cable and my internet was too choppy to watch it. How did I know? The yelling of my neighbours on both sides of me yelling at the top of their lungs. Fantastic.)

Insult Dorks?

So my roommate found his Shakespearian insult fridge magnets. Knowing that everyone reading my blog would want to be able to offend their friends and loved ones with witty remarks in Old English, I have opted to list some here for you.

Let's say, hypothetically, you meet one of your friends after they have left the gym. The perfect line is at your disposal: "Thou smell of mountain goat."

Someone you know gets a bad haircut and they are suddenly a "bolting-hutch of beastliness."

For the friend who always looks great but says they look hideous and you wish to impart a sarcastic comment, there are multiple options: "Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes," "Scratching could not make it worse ... such a face as yours," "Thou cream-faced loon, where got'st thou that goose look?" and "There is not an ugly fiend of hell as thou shalt be." When talking about a third person another option is: "The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes."

When someone is in a bad mood, if they love Shakespeare they will obviously be cheered up by one of his insults, such as "Thou crusty batch of nature."

And finally, a couple general insults to throw in the bag: "Thou elvish-mark'd, abortive, rooting hog" and "Out, you green-sickness carrion!"

Now, keep in mind that everyone is a dork, and will therefore appreciate these statements at some point in time. Who wouldn't want to be insulted when done like this?! If you hear them said to you and you are offended, I have now also equipped you to defend yourself! I personally hope to hear these archaic sayings in the hallways -- it will be music to my ears. And if you wish to dismiss someone, just say "These are but wild and whirling words" and shrug it off because Shakespeare equipped us with sayings for basically EVERY situation.

Con-Ed Dorks

As you are all aware (because you all obviously faithfully read my profile), I'm a con ed student here at Nip. This means I was on placement this past reading week. This may mean I didn't get a real "Reading week" because I didn't catch up on a lot of work, but let's be serious folks, who actually does? Aside from us dorks. Yes, I read David Copperfield on Valentine's Day. After that, I was definitely lacking in the productivity department for the rest of the week, aside from placement responsibilities. Which are what I am going to talk about now! Because some of them, I personally think, are blog-worthy.

So, Monday being Family Day (which is solely an Ontarian holiday, in case you weren't aware! It's not Canada-wide), I finished up my David Copperfield affair before heading to a Grade 8 class on Tuesday. I know what most people think -- Grade 8 kids = hormone overload. This is true. BUT, they were a very well-behaved group of hormonal youth, that I was able to accompany on two field trips! It was actually a fantastic week to be in the classroom. I did my lesson on Wednesday (autobiographical news stories, to any of you who are going into teaching and want a little lesson idea). Then on Thursday we went to the Ontario Science Centre in Toronto to see the "Body Worlds" exhibit. I was in charge of 6 students, and in typical dork fashion, I called them my "peeps" and would say things like "Alright homeslices, let's peace out to the rainforest exhibit. Werd." It just so happened that a lot of my group found my 'retro' sayings like "stellar" entertaining, so we got along well. They also enjoyed my geeky-dorkiness when going through the bodies exhibit when I explained scientific and biological things to them. It's really an environment that dorkiness can thrive in. On Friday we went to a tech centre, which was also fantastic and gave me time to get marking done.

So, while us con ed people may complain about having less reading week time than our Nipissing peers for getting work done, we'd be lying if we said we hated it. We're dorks and we love being in the classroom teaching or working with students, or we wouldn't be in this program. Embrace it. It's stellar.

Singles Awareness Day

I haven't made a post in over a week!?! It's shocking. Why the long intermission? Well, it was the week before our SECOND reading week. Obviously that meant my time, like I'm sure it has been for most of you, was full of due dates and hang-outs with people I wouldn't be seeing for a week. Now reading week take 2 (what a great aspect of going to Nipissing, getting 2 of these interludes!)!

Today is Valentines Day. Or, as one of my friends phrased it, "Singles Awareness Day." Now, I may be single, but I have had two love affairs today. TWO! Get ready, this post is about to get hot and scandalous! Love affair #1 = the Olympics. That's right. All day I've been watching my fellow Canadians (who are obviously much more athletic than I will ever even dream of being) competing with some winning medals. [By the way, did you know that moguls skiers have 50% larger quad muscles than the regular person? 50%!!].

Now, that lead up may have been slightly disappointing. I was leading you to believe I was having some kind of romantic involvement with someone. WELL! This second one won't disappoint, just like he hasn't disappointed me all day. I won't keep you on the edge of your seat. It's David Copperfield. Oh yeah. He's quite the intriguing man. He got pretty jealous when I was watching the speed skaters, I have to say. He kept calling back to me from his 1000 page journal so I would return to him.

Speaking of which, I think I can hear him calling me now, away from this computer.
Am I a dork? Do I actually read on reading week? You know it. Alayna owt. 

H1N2 : Lost Fever

Geeky Dork Nipissing student time.

Every year around this time, the infection begins. It's a season. Is it a flu season? I would equate it with one. H1N2 : Lost Fever! It's Lost Season! (which is a great pun on flu season, I like to think). It becomes an epidemic, like H1N1.

It starts with posters...simple posters around the university. You may not have noticed them before, but I'm in my third year and they have come every year of my university career. They are simple, white sheets with simple, black writing. They almost blend into the walls, but they work on your subconscious. Suddenly you are telling your friends who are named Kate that you "have to go back" because "the others are coming." Your friends may notice that you are muttering to yourself and when they ask you to speak louder you're reciting "4 8 15 16 23 42" like some kind of possessed person, or someone delirious because of LOST FEVER! The other day someone asked me why people who are already infected with H1N2 would want to put these posters up. Well, no one wants to be the only person infected with a disease. It's isolating. Kind of like living on an island. So they use subliminal messaging to get other people infected so they don't have to live in a bubble by themselves.

I admit, I have watched Lost. It is a very contagious show. Once you get into it, it's hard to get out. And it is very natural to want everyone else to watch it as well because then you have more people to talk to about your infectious show. Will the others win out? Will the unidentified killing thing kill everyone? Who knows?! But with other H1N2 diseased running around, you can at least have educated speculative conversations about the topic.

I propose an H1N2 support group to be held in H102. They sound so similar it would be easy for a diseased mind to remember, and it's a lounge, so that's perfect! Just a suggestion.

Finally, H1N2 is the perfect accompaniment to H1N1 or any other flu form. Think about it. If you come down with the flu, you're going to be comfined to bed, and what will you want to do? Sit around watching tv. So you can get caught up on all the Lost seasons during Lost Season.

Also, as an even more final note, I would like to draw attention to this subliminal advertising strategy. Nipissing Business students check it out! Track the spread of H1N2!

(NOTE: If you do actually end up getting H1N1 in the second wave, I sympathise. It's been predicted to come in the next month. Keep washing your hands and using the sanitizer dispensers conveniently placed around the university!)

Jesus Coke

Today I wish to discuss the Jesus Coke I received yesterday morning (Jesus Cokes? I received two. What is the plural of Coke? Coke? Sheep/sheeps?). I was sitting in the hallway in the main entrance of Nipissing, selling candy/caramel apples with my fellow Peer Mentors (It was raising money for the North Bay food bank -- it's Nipissing's annual Poverty Awareness week if you didn't know! Wednesday in H106 is Nipissing Performs for Poverty from 7-9.30 and admission is simply a non-perishable food item! But wait! There's more! On Thursday there will be a Friendly Famine in F204 from 11.30 to 12.30. Come socialize and again, bring only a non-perishable food item for admittance!).

Anyway, "But I was going to say when Truth stepped in" ("Birches" by Robert Frost), that I was sitting in the main hallway in the morning and I couldn't help but notice that there was another group strategically positioned in this same hallway ever so early in the morning. What could they have been doing, you may ask? WELL! Handing out free pop! Coke, to be precise (Can I get paid every time I say that in my blog? Coke Coke Coke Coke). If you happened to miss this event and are wondering why on earth this beverage was being handed out for free, here's the low-down. NCCF was promoting itself with free giveaways, no purchase necessary! I wondered what the significance of pop was -- why not hand out bumper stickers? Jesus fish? Then I saw there was a label on my can. A label with a bible verse. My post is not meant to stir religious controversy, but to look at the strategy.


Now, some may say that this is wrong. Accosting. Imposing. Forcing. Last night I was Facebooking (yes, in stage 1 of the writing process: procrastination) when I came across a Facebook group that was created called "Coke for Christ". It was created by non-NCCF Nipissing students and presented opposition to the "Coke for Christ" campaign.

But I witnessed every single can of Coke being distributed. Not once did an NCCF member attempt to convert someone. God was never brought up by an NCCF member unless questioned by someone ("Would you like a free Coke?" "Is it a Jesus Coke?"). Yes, it is true that people took cans without knowing the underlying religious purpose of the seemingly innocent cans. Some may have been shocked to later find this label and have felt bombarded with religion. But you were also free to ignore this label.

I see both sides to the incident. It is clear that the "Coke for Christ" Facebook group is not necessarily hostile but humourous and meant to draw attention and awareness to the event and have people question. The whole point of this blog is this: Whether or not you believe the verses on the Coke cans or religion in general, you have to admit that it was a good marketing strategy -- it got people talking, and any publicity is good publicity.

The Real Writing Process

That's right, the real writing process! The truth comes out. We all knew it, but no one actually set it in stone, so I'll be the first to outline our "stupid/foolish" dorkiness.

1. Procrastination. DO NOT start your paper early! Now, I have to admit I am also a geeky dork and do, indeed, start my essays fairly early, go and talk to my professors about my thesis, and do my research in advance. But that does not mean I do not find time to procrastinate. Oh no, it just means I think I can leave the actual writing of my paper to the very last minute. As a matter of fact, I am procrastinating right now, by writing this blog. Examples of procrastination include, but are not limited to: watching movies, talking to friends, Facebooking, reconnecting with long-lost high-school buds, calling home to see what your mom's up to, going for a walk, making food, and then realising by some chance of luck you have a cake mix! That must be made and eaten. The whole thing. Clearly I do it. Just look at the pic. Attack the whole thing with a fork! So, once you're full of cakey-goodness you can move onto stage 2.

2. Cleaning. This could have been grouped under procrastination, but it usually happens after other forms of delay, and is even more wide-spread than Facebooking, believe it or not (Note: no actual studies were done to prove any stats in this report). This is a good step, because it helps wear off the cake! Perfect transition.

3. Purchase of Red Bull. Now that you're full and your entire apartment or house, including the tops of the baseboard heaters, are spotless, you're ready to get down to business! But wait! You know you're probably going to be up late tonight, and the store closes in an hour! So clearly you must walk there because the bus is too boring. It may take more time, but it also helps wear off the cake, yet again.

4. Shower. After walking all the way to the store and back, and doing all that cleaning, you're feeling a little sweaty. No one likes to feel sticky when they're writing! A shower is in order, obviously.

5. Snack. It's been so long since you ate that cake that you're craving a little nibble. Time to make NACHOS! Or something similar. Sure you could eat them while you work on that paper, but better not take the chance of getting salsa on your keyboard or those valuable library books that you forgot to take out! That would be absolutely tragic!

6. Dishes. Don't want the ants to come or something! Nachos are their favourite! Better do the dishes!

7. Change. You can't write an essay in jeans! Better change into those pj's or track pants, which you will be wearing to class tomorrow too when you hand in your paper because you haven't slept and didn't even have time to change again before running to catch the last bus!

8. Lock yourself in your room with papers sprawled all around you and write write write write like crazy when you're hopped up on caffeine!!! Self-explanatory.

Alright, that's it. I should probably get back to my own essay, which has yet to be started. Or maybe I should make myself a gluten-free cake! Appetizing.

[Photo of author; no license infringement]